Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet.
Ephesians 6:13 The Message
It was on the calendar.
Podcast at 9 am Thursday.
The plan to record a prayer practice focused on repentance.
My entire morning.
from the moment I rose before dawn.
until I arrived at the shop well AFTER 9 am!
was a battle.
Spiritually.
Emotionally.
Relationally.
I was a mass of exhausted discouragement.
The ten-minute drive to the shop a struggle with tears.
the REFUGE prayer employed.
a weapon against my incurvatus in se – self-pity. self-focus. self-seeking.
REFUGE, an acronym:
Retreat,
Enter His presence to
Find your comfort, security, worth
Under His
Gracious
Embrace of love.
Running to Him as a REFUGE… I run from me!
Retreating from the battle, I repent of my self-focus.
Entering His presence, thankful He is at work in the unseen. praise Him for His grace and patience.
Finding my comfort, security, and worth in Him when the battle within is centered on trying to get from someone else what only He can provide. feeling misunderstood. unknown. unseen. unloved. I run to the only One who truly understands. knows. sees. and loves. me.
Under Him I take cover. reorienting my “self” under His authority. His sovereignty. accepting whatever I’m suffering is directly from His hand of love for my good and His glory.
Gracious Savior, how I count on Him to be patient with me. His power to turn my grief to glory. bring beauty out of ashes.
Embracing His love for me, I entrust myself to Him. rest in His promises. the making new He says is already done.
The heart calmed for a bit.
but once in the shop the battle renewed.
nothing felt settled.
insecurity swamped my soul.
doubt doubled-down.
drained by discouragement.
everything felt wrong.
She said, We don’t have to do this today.
I said, I feel like if we stop, I won’t be back here again.
We muddled through a start.
All out of sorts.
unsure in what I should offer.
Interruptions.
More: We don’t have to do this today…
More: No. we do.
Starting over…
an introduction to the practice recorded…
one worth keeping…
But time was short…
time to move on with the day…
the podcast left unfinished…
Some relief washed over with what was done…
hosting lunch… a weekly practice of hospitality…
shop business continued…
until 4:30 pm…
She said, You won’t like this but we need to finish.
I said, I know we do. It has to be done today.
Back at the microphones…
picking up where we left off…
tongues tied…
multiple restarts…
She said: The enemy does not want us to teach this prayer of repentance! We are pressing on!
And so we did.
called it done at 4:59 pm.
shop closes at 5 pm.
The enemy did not deter…
though he was close to accomplishing his goal in me…
Repentance.
It’s a battle.
Running to God as our REFUGE from sin and its incessant shame.
is the only means to healing and freedom.
But OH! it’s a battle.
one fought from within and with out.
Don’t give in.
retreat to Him.
Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.
Jude 24-25 ESV
To hear the result of the battle listen on:
Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or Google Podcasts
But… don’t be surprised if a battle begins.
as you pray through.
and respond to the podcast.
Featured Image Photo by GR Stocks on Unsplash
Stop Button Photo by Rich Smith on Unsplash
Wall of Clocks Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
Unraveled Love 
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